Thursday, February 16, 2012
Again...way too long.
So much has gone on since last June's update. Obviously I've been busy being a mother all over again. Ezekiel is now 8 1/2 months and in to EVERYTHING. It's been such a beautiful journey. I am so happy to be a mom for the 5th time. Two and a half years ago I would have told you that you were crazy if you would have said I was having another baby. So much in my heart has changed. I LOVE being a mother! I have realized how much I have changed since having the first 4 at 19, 21, 22 & 24. Having Ezekiel at 31, I have done so much different. Having him has sent me on a journey. A journey of learning about "clean eating" and doing things more naturally. So with all that said, I want to really start blogging again. Blogging about life as a momma of 5 kids...some entering into teenage years and one still a baby. I want to share my heart on raising 5 totally different, crazy, rowdy, outspoken, kind and loving children. Also, how I manage to cook real meals most nights. Some tips on making that easier. Just pretty much about all the different things I have been learning. Why not spread the wealth? Until next time! And no it will not be 8 months later! haha!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Blessed are the flexible, the forgotten fruit of the spirit!
One of the things I was told out here in KC early on while in our internship are blessed are the flexible. Our schedules and days changed a lot...I for one didn't truly care for the feeling of chaos or constant change. Especially when it was last minute. I happen to be one who likes to have all my ducks in a row. Well in the last almost 3 years I have learned that is not how it works. Especially when you want God to be in the center of all things guiding the way.
I had changed everything in the last two months prior to my due date to have a water birth at a birthing center. This was quite unlike me. I like to have a plan, feel good about it and carry it out. Well I felt that God was leading me elsewhere. Being that Ezekiel himself was an absolute God ordained deal when I did not plan on having anymore children biologically. I figured why not continue on this path God is leading me to completely trust His plans for my life? The mere fact that the name Ezekiel God gave me in a dream meant, "He will strengthen" I knew I had to trust.
In the last month of my pregnancy I was actually convinced that I was having Ezekiel before my due date. But those two weeks past. I was a lil on edge with the whole is today the day, but had a peace. My due date came and went. I had family here waiting for his arrival. They even extended their stay in hopes of baby boy making his entrance and them not wanting to miss it. I tried some natural ways to help labor start, but to no avail...nothing came of it that actually went somewhere. 41 weeks 4 day came and family went back home and with me feeling sad and emotional that I still had yet to have this baby boy.
By this time the kids and hubby were going stir crazy. We all wanted to see his lil face so badly. Who is the baby boy that God asked us to have?? We so desperately wanted to know. I did all the tests and he seemed to be quite content and happy inside of his momma. He remained so active and showed no signs of stress. I had yet to go in to labor and every day that went by the thought of having my beautiful, serene water birth was looking like it wasn't going to happen. The hours I spent watching water births taking classes on how to labor doing it all natural it didn't look like we were going to have it that way. We couldn't help at this point but to cry out to God...what are you doing? why isn't my body doing what it is suppose to? didn't you want me to have this birth? why do I feel so abandoned?
Monday came...I was 42 weeks and we were going to pull out all the stops to help get labor going naturally. I started off my morning glad because we had a plan, just to come home and feel absolutely defeated. What if we did and how more exhausting and sad will it be if it once again doesn't work? By the looks of things I was going to need to be sent to a Dr that I didn't even know to be induced just like with my other babies. Something I said I would never do again. Something I was disappointed that I had not educated myself on all those years ago as a young woman in my early 20's. But God didn't you want me to have this alternate birth? This birth that everyone talked about remembering for the rest of my life as the most amazing thing I could ever do for my baby? Well as distraught as I was I knew in my heart that the plans were changing again...that I was to follow His lead even if it didn't make sense and even if I didn't hear clearly from Him as I wanted to. My gut said...do what you have to do. So I called up my midwife and told her just to please set me up to be induced the next day. After several cries that me and my husband both had and even one of our kids I was still holding on to the hope that I would go into labor that night.
The sleepless night came and went and we were on our way to the hospital. The three younger kids with my in-laws and Kiana determined to be with us as planned if I was having our water birth. We arrive at the hospital seemingly feeling unreal and prepped to be induced. I asked the Dr to please break my water 1st since I was already dilated to 4 hoping that would get my labor going. Well she did that but insisted on the pitocin as well. Around 10:30am or so one of the midwives, Amber from the birthing center came to be with us while in labor. It was really great to see her. It felt as if all was not lost and I had someone there to help me through as I tried so hard to continue on the path of wanting to do things as naturally as possible. 6 hours came and gone and I had been in full blown labor as the contractions got closer and closer and harder and harder. At this point I am dilated to only a 6 but figured things should be progressing quickly due to the intensity of the of the contractions. 2 hours later and still laboring hard and still at a 6 I decided to go for the epidural. I was so exhausted and the contractions were so intense I was unable to relax in between contractions. After the epidural was given I was quickly dilated to an 8 but stayed there. Went from being 100% effaced to only 80%?? My cervix had begun to swell. Dr came in and checked me and decided she was going to have me begin to push. Ezekiel was being closely monitored, especially at this point when his heart rate was decelerating after a contraction.
The pushing begins...not to brag on myself, lol...but with all 4 of my other kids I had noooo problems in pushing my kids out. With or without an epidural I was a very effective pusher. Well with Ezekiel it just didn't feel as if it was going anywhere. Being in a hospital with a traditional OB as well they don't let you really change positions for pushing either. Its the ol' lay flat on your back, legs in stir-ups kind of pushing. It wasn't doing anything for me or for bringing Ezekiel down. I went from feeling pressure to no longer feeling the pressure of his head. The Dr by this time after 30 minutes of pushing was adamant that we need to go ahead and have a c-section. It went from not an emergency when I stopped pushing to being an emergency once I gave the consent. They immediately handed hubby scrubs and he took both Keilani and Kiana who were in the room waiting for the arrival of their brother out to the waiting room with the other kids and family. Sharing the news with them was hard for my husband. I was in tears and very scared. This was a big deal and again the plans were changing.
I will spare you the detail of the emotional time in the operating room and jump right the the moment our son was pulled out. First things the Dr.'s said was, "Wow he is one big boy! No wonder he wasn't coming out momma!" They gave me a very quick peak at him and took him right over to be cleaned up and accessed. His apgars were great, all 9's. He was so quiet though, I had to keep asking was he ok. They kept assuring me he looked wonderful and that he was fine. Finally they brought him over to me...he looked me right in the eyes and instantly I was in love. It was ALL WORTH IT! Every tear, fear, ounce of pain...for him, it was so worth it. He was wide awake and soooo alert. Unlike what everyone told me how he would be after a c-section.
The rest of that night was kind of blurry for me, but all I knew is I had my son. I was in absolute disbelief that it finally was over and obviously in a whole LOT of pain, but he was here. He was more then I could have ever imagined.
With all this said I was learning more then I expected to learn out of this birth. Again, blessed are the flexible came to mind...but also trusting, having blind faith. Not knowing how and where it may all end up. Having a plan and asking for God's guidance always, but never being offended if He changes things along the way. Always knowing that God knows best and is always in control. I have had to lean on my husband more then usual being that my activities are limited after this kind of surgery. Not having my mother here to care for me and ask questions to has been difficult as well but just another growing experience for me. Knowing that God will never fail me, even when I have fleshly feelings of abandonment. I am NOT ALONE!
James 1:2-4 seems to continue to play out in my life and well looks like it is our life's verse.
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
I have my son, Ezekiel Isaac in all his perfectness! He was perfectly created, knitted together in my womb. He is my Psalms 139 in the flesh...
I had changed everything in the last two months prior to my due date to have a water birth at a birthing center. This was quite unlike me. I like to have a plan, feel good about it and carry it out. Well I felt that God was leading me elsewhere. Being that Ezekiel himself was an absolute God ordained deal when I did not plan on having anymore children biologically. I figured why not continue on this path God is leading me to completely trust His plans for my life? The mere fact that the name Ezekiel God gave me in a dream meant, "He will strengthen" I knew I had to trust.
In the last month of my pregnancy I was actually convinced that I was having Ezekiel before my due date. But those two weeks past. I was a lil on edge with the whole is today the day, but had a peace. My due date came and went. I had family here waiting for his arrival. They even extended their stay in hopes of baby boy making his entrance and them not wanting to miss it. I tried some natural ways to help labor start, but to no avail...nothing came of it that actually went somewhere. 41 weeks 4 day came and family went back home and with me feeling sad and emotional that I still had yet to have this baby boy.
By this time the kids and hubby were going stir crazy. We all wanted to see his lil face so badly. Who is the baby boy that God asked us to have?? We so desperately wanted to know. I did all the tests and he seemed to be quite content and happy inside of his momma. He remained so active and showed no signs of stress. I had yet to go in to labor and every day that went by the thought of having my beautiful, serene water birth was looking like it wasn't going to happen. The hours I spent watching water births taking classes on how to labor doing it all natural it didn't look like we were going to have it that way. We couldn't help at this point but to cry out to God...what are you doing? why isn't my body doing what it is suppose to? didn't you want me to have this birth? why do I feel so abandoned?
Monday came...I was 42 weeks and we were going to pull out all the stops to help get labor going naturally. I started off my morning glad because we had a plan, just to come home and feel absolutely defeated. What if we did and how more exhausting and sad will it be if it once again doesn't work? By the looks of things I was going to need to be sent to a Dr that I didn't even know to be induced just like with my other babies. Something I said I would never do again. Something I was disappointed that I had not educated myself on all those years ago as a young woman in my early 20's. But God didn't you want me to have this alternate birth? This birth that everyone talked about remembering for the rest of my life as the most amazing thing I could ever do for my baby? Well as distraught as I was I knew in my heart that the plans were changing again...that I was to follow His lead even if it didn't make sense and even if I didn't hear clearly from Him as I wanted to. My gut said...do what you have to do. So I called up my midwife and told her just to please set me up to be induced the next day. After several cries that me and my husband both had and even one of our kids I was still holding on to the hope that I would go into labor that night.
The sleepless night came and went and we were on our way to the hospital. The three younger kids with my in-laws and Kiana determined to be with us as planned if I was having our water birth. We arrive at the hospital seemingly feeling unreal and prepped to be induced. I asked the Dr to please break my water 1st since I was already dilated to 4 hoping that would get my labor going. Well she did that but insisted on the pitocin as well. Around 10:30am or so one of the midwives, Amber from the birthing center came to be with us while in labor. It was really great to see her. It felt as if all was not lost and I had someone there to help me through as I tried so hard to continue on the path of wanting to do things as naturally as possible. 6 hours came and gone and I had been in full blown labor as the contractions got closer and closer and harder and harder. At this point I am dilated to only a 6 but figured things should be progressing quickly due to the intensity of the of the contractions. 2 hours later and still laboring hard and still at a 6 I decided to go for the epidural. I was so exhausted and the contractions were so intense I was unable to relax in between contractions. After the epidural was given I was quickly dilated to an 8 but stayed there. Went from being 100% effaced to only 80%?? My cervix had begun to swell. Dr came in and checked me and decided she was going to have me begin to push. Ezekiel was being closely monitored, especially at this point when his heart rate was decelerating after a contraction.
The pushing begins...not to brag on myself, lol...but with all 4 of my other kids I had noooo problems in pushing my kids out. With or without an epidural I was a very effective pusher. Well with Ezekiel it just didn't feel as if it was going anywhere. Being in a hospital with a traditional OB as well they don't let you really change positions for pushing either. Its the ol' lay flat on your back, legs in stir-ups kind of pushing. It wasn't doing anything for me or for bringing Ezekiel down. I went from feeling pressure to no longer feeling the pressure of his head. The Dr by this time after 30 minutes of pushing was adamant that we need to go ahead and have a c-section. It went from not an emergency when I stopped pushing to being an emergency once I gave the consent. They immediately handed hubby scrubs and he took both Keilani and Kiana who were in the room waiting for the arrival of their brother out to the waiting room with the other kids and family. Sharing the news with them was hard for my husband. I was in tears and very scared. This was a big deal and again the plans were changing.
I will spare you the detail of the emotional time in the operating room and jump right the the moment our son was pulled out. First things the Dr.'s said was, "Wow he is one big boy! No wonder he wasn't coming out momma!" They gave me a very quick peak at him and took him right over to be cleaned up and accessed. His apgars were great, all 9's. He was so quiet though, I had to keep asking was he ok. They kept assuring me he looked wonderful and that he was fine. Finally they brought him over to me...he looked me right in the eyes and instantly I was in love. It was ALL WORTH IT! Every tear, fear, ounce of pain...for him, it was so worth it. He was wide awake and soooo alert. Unlike what everyone told me how he would be after a c-section.
The rest of that night was kind of blurry for me, but all I knew is I had my son. I was in absolute disbelief that it finally was over and obviously in a whole LOT of pain, but he was here. He was more then I could have ever imagined.
With all this said I was learning more then I expected to learn out of this birth. Again, blessed are the flexible came to mind...but also trusting, having blind faith. Not knowing how and where it may all end up. Having a plan and asking for God's guidance always, but never being offended if He changes things along the way. Always knowing that God knows best and is always in control. I have had to lean on my husband more then usual being that my activities are limited after this kind of surgery. Not having my mother here to care for me and ask questions to has been difficult as well but just another growing experience for me. Knowing that God will never fail me, even when I have fleshly feelings of abandonment. I am NOT ALONE!
James 1:2-4 seems to continue to play out in my life and well looks like it is our life's verse.
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
5 Days and counting till I expire?
So 5 more days until my due date...for the most part I feel pretty good. I am tired, swollen and uncomfortable at times. But I have a peace about the baby coming in Gods timing. Being induced with all the other kids has given me some perspective on even just our own need for things being put in our time table according to our schedule. Let's just say that I have learned a lot about Gods perfect time in the last 3 years which is nothing like my own. I still have so much more to grow in that area because still I do not understand at times.
I want to learn absolute surrender...I have sometimes a habit of trying to hold on to some of the control of timing and other things in my life. I am a planner, I like to have all my ducks in a row. Well that doesn't always work...most of the time it doesn't work in God's big design. But thankfully we have a God who is merciful and understands our mindsets and gently guides us. He is a good, good Shepherd. I want Him to be my guide and the One I lean on. With life's ups and downs I need that guidance to be able to be the wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend He intends me to be. I have so much to learn, so much more patience to gain...man am I weak and little.
Anyhow, just a few thoughts as the day gets near that I give birth to baby #5! Being here all over again is most definitely very surreal. I want to do best by my family. I want to love them well...
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Waiting For His Arrival...
Of course it has been a while once again since I have blogged. So much going on as usual...I am now 36 weeks prego with our second son. This is a day I did not foresee what so ever. I truly thought that my days of bearing children had come to an end even though I know neither of us had a permanent fix for that. I have told my husband all these years that the Lord Himself would have to speak to me loud and clear for me to have another baby. I mean come on...we had done our duty of populating the earth! lol We had given away all that was left of any remnant of babyhood. Only keeping those few keepsakes for our now big kids.
Well I guess the Lord seen fit for a whole new chapter in our lives. This baby most definetly has a serious story of dreams...myself, two of the kids, a cousin and my sis in law...prophetic happenings and confirmations. I had a friend say to me when we were in the swirl of it all, "who is this baby?!?" That is the very thing that I am more then ecstatic to venture in to. That God would request of us to have this baby boy...it is mind blowing, truly!
In the midst of it all we have been tested, grown closer as a family and have endured the task thus far. The kids are so happy. They tell me all the time that they can not wait to see his face. They all think he is going to look like them and argue about it, which is quite comical. :-) They have helped prepare for him. They have been huge helps to me in things that are more difficult or when mom needs a nap. Kiana has definitely helped even with dinner's here and there. What a blessing! Of course the hubby has been a HUGE help in picking up alot of the slack that I am too tired or unable to do.
So, since this is a many years later and everything leading up to this pregnancy has is different...we are truly doing things unlike all our other births. This time I have researched and learned so much more then I could ever have imagined. This time we will be doing a water birth! :-)
Well, the countdown has truly begun...who know's when the time will arrive for us to welcome Ezekiel Isaac into this world. But we know we eagerly wait his arrival!
Well I guess the Lord seen fit for a whole new chapter in our lives. This baby most definetly has a serious story of dreams...myself, two of the kids, a cousin and my sis in law...prophetic happenings and confirmations. I had a friend say to me when we were in the swirl of it all, "who is this baby?!?" That is the very thing that I am more then ecstatic to venture in to. That God would request of us to have this baby boy...it is mind blowing, truly!
In the midst of it all we have been tested, grown closer as a family and have endured the task thus far. The kids are so happy. They tell me all the time that they can not wait to see his face. They all think he is going to look like them and argue about it, which is quite comical. :-) They have helped prepare for him. They have been huge helps to me in things that are more difficult or when mom needs a nap. Kiana has definitely helped even with dinner's here and there. What a blessing! Of course the hubby has been a HUGE help in picking up alot of the slack that I am too tired or unable to do.
So, since this is a many years later and everything leading up to this pregnancy has is different...we are truly doing things unlike all our other births. This time I have researched and learned so much more then I could ever have imagined. This time we will be doing a water birth! :-)
Well, the countdown has truly begun...who know's when the time will arrive for us to welcome Ezekiel Isaac into this world. But we know we eagerly wait his arrival!
The Truth Shall Make You Free
Just wanted to take the time to share a little bit about my journey on this 4-20 evening, coinsidence? I think not. February 10, 2008 I got on a plane to Kansas City, Missouri not knowing what the future held for my life and marriage. The only thing I did know is that I needed to get high. I didn't know how I was going to function without getting high while in KC. I was a mess. I didn't have an understanding of the chaotic life I was living. But God had a plan...
Jesus says in John 8:32 "And you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free." You see I didn't know truth. All I had was lie upon lie upon lie. Revelation 19:10 says, "the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy." The reason I'm sharing this is because just one word shattered a 1,000 lies. Every time I would put that blunt, joint or pipe to my lips I was drowning out the voice of the One who knows and loves me most, my precious Jesus. 1 John 4:19 says, "We love Him because He first loved us." I realized as I sat in the prayer room that I was a son of the Most High and that every pain and every place that hurt so deep in my heart that I tried to cover up and keep from Him was where He was trying to get for years. At that very moment He said to me, you will never turn to any other lover again. I would not go back to getting high off of things that brought me no true, lasting pleasure. Then and there I was sanctified by His truth, His word is His truth. John 17:17.
It's been 3 years, 2 months and 10 days since I smoked weed. I have had more clarity of mind in these past years then I have ever had in those 17 years that I gave myself to the pleasures of this world. I am happier then I have ever been in my life. I love my wife and kids more then ever. Thank you Jesus that I am FREE! He did it for me...He can do it anyone. Ain't no high like the most HIGH!
Jesus says in John 8:32 "And you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free." You see I didn't know truth. All I had was lie upon lie upon lie. Revelation 19:10 says, "the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy." The reason I'm sharing this is because just one word shattered a 1,000 lies. Every time I would put that blunt, joint or pipe to my lips I was drowning out the voice of the One who knows and loves me most, my precious Jesus. 1 John 4:19 says, "We love Him because He first loved us." I realized as I sat in the prayer room that I was a son of the Most High and that every pain and every place that hurt so deep in my heart that I tried to cover up and keep from Him was where He was trying to get for years. At that very moment He said to me, you will never turn to any other lover again. I would not go back to getting high off of things that brought me no true, lasting pleasure. Then and there I was sanctified by His truth, His word is His truth. John 17:17.
It's been 3 years, 2 months and 10 days since I smoked weed. I have had more clarity of mind in these past years then I have ever had in those 17 years that I gave myself to the pleasures of this world. I am happier then I have ever been in my life. I love my wife and kids more then ever. Thank you Jesus that I am FREE! He did it for me...He can do it anyone. Ain't no high like the most HIGH!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
June 30th 1955 & June 30th 2001
These are two days that mean very much to me. The 1st is the day my mother Terry Ann Moore was born. If she had not been brought into this world there would be no me. If I was not her daughter, I may not have grown in to what others say is a strong woman. I don't see it too often but hear those words oh so much. The 2nd day is my 2nd born daughter, Keilani Lachelle Echevarria's birth. Many may not know that Keilani being born on my moms bday was no coincidence. It was by my mothers insistence, my agreement and surprisingly my Dr's cooperation. She asked for him to induce me the night of June 29th so I would labor through the night and have her sometime after midnight. This rarely EVER happens. Most Dr's only induce you early in the morning.
1. my mom was persuasive.
2. I believe God had the final say
It wasn't easy losing my mom just after Keilani turned 8 months old, Kiana almost 3 and me 4 months pregnant with Kamia. But God had a plan. I still am so blessed to be able to celebrate her bday. Not many people get the chance to do that. The day of there relative or loved ones birth comes and goes and sometimes with much pain. My mom's birthday comes with a lil bit of sadness because she would only be turning 55 this year, but with GREAT joy cause God blessed me with a treasure beyond measure that is turning 9 today. She means more to me then I could ever have imagined.
I had fears when pregnant with her that I would be unable to love her as much as I loved her older sister Kiana who was already here. But again, God has a plan! Our love for her was no less then her sister. She has her own uniqueness that is unlike either of her sisters or brother. She hears so clearly from the Lord and her hearts desire is to love as deep as she is loved and
beyond. She has such a pure heart one that wants to give a home to the orphans of this world. I pray that I am able to hold her heart and teach her what the Lord desires for her to know. To not scar her but love her as much as she deserves and more.
My mom sacrificed much, was not perfect by any means but had a HUGE heart. On this day, mom I remember you and celebrate through Keilani Lachelle our Lala that you and I both love very much.
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