I had changed everything in the last two months prior to my due date to have a water birth at a birthing center. This was quite unlike me. I like to have a plan, feel good about it and carry it out. Well I felt that God was leading me elsewhere. Being that Ezekiel himself was an absolute God ordained deal when I did not plan on having anymore children biologically. I figured why not continue on this path God is leading me to completely trust His plans for my life? The mere fact that the name Ezekiel God gave me in a dream meant, "He will strengthen" I knew I had to trust.
In the last month of my pregnancy I was actually convinced that I was having Ezekiel before my due date. But those two weeks past. I was a lil on edge with the whole is today the day, but had a peace. My due date came and went. I had family here waiting for his arrival. They even extended their stay in hopes of baby boy making his entrance and them not wanting to miss it. I tried some natural ways to help labor start, but to no avail...nothing came of it that actually went somewhere. 41 weeks 4 day came and family went back home and with me feeling sad and emotional that I still had yet to have this baby boy.
By this time the kids and hubby were going stir crazy. We all wanted to see his lil face so badly. Who is the baby boy that God asked us to have?? We so desperately wanted to know. I did all the tests and he seemed to be quite content and happy inside of his momma. He remained so active and showed no signs of stress. I had yet to go in to labor and every day that went by the thought of having my beautiful, serene water birth was looking like it wasn't going to happen. The hours I spent watching water births taking classes on how to labor doing it all natural it didn't look like we were going to have it that way. We couldn't help at this point but to cry out to God...what are you doing? why isn't my body doing what it is suppose to? didn't you want me to have this birth? why do I feel so abandoned?
Monday came...I was 42 weeks and we were going to pull out all the stops to help get labor going naturally. I started off my morning glad because we had a plan, just to come home and feel absolutely defeated. What if we did and how more exhausting and sad will it be if it once again doesn't work? By the looks of things I was going to need to be sent to a Dr that I didn't even know to be induced just like with my other babies. Something I said I would never do again. Something I was disappointed that I had not educated myself on all those years ago as a young woman in my early 20's. But God didn't you want me to have this alternate birth? This birth that everyone talked about remembering for the rest of my life as the most amazing thing I could ever do for my baby? Well as distraught as I was I knew in my heart that the plans were changing again...that I was to follow His lead even if it didn't make sense and even if I didn't hear clearly from Him as I wanted to. My gut said...do what you have to do. So I called up my midwife and told her just to please set me up to be induced the next day. After several cries that me and my husband both had and even one of our kids I was still holding on to the hope that I would go into labor that night.
The sleepless night came and went and we were on our way to the hospital. The three younger kids with my in-laws and Kiana determined to be with us as planned if I was having our water birth. We arrive at the hospital seemingly feeling unreal and prepped to be induced. I asked the Dr to please break my water 1st since I was already dilated to 4 hoping that would get my labor going. Well she did that but insisted on the pitocin as well. Around 10:30am or so one of the midwives, Amber from the birthing center came to be with us while in labor. It was really great to see her. It felt as if all was not lost and I had someone there to help me through as I tried so hard to continue on the path of wanting to do things as naturally as possible. 6 hours came and gone and I had been in full blown labor as the contractions got closer and closer and harder and harder. At this point I am dilated to only a 6 but figured things should be progressing quickly due to the intensity of the of the contractions. 2 hours later and still laboring hard and still at a 6 I decided to go for the epidural. I was so exhausted and the contractions were so intense I was unable to relax in between contractions. After the epidural was given I was quickly dilated to an 8 but stayed there. Went from being 100% effaced to only 80%?? My cervix had begun to swell. Dr came in and checked me and decided she was going to have me begin to push. Ezekiel was being closely monitored, especially at this point when his heart rate was decelerating after a contraction.
The pushing begins...not to brag on myself, lol...but with all 4 of my other kids I had noooo problems in pushing my kids out. With or without an epidural I was a very effective pusher. Well with Ezekiel it just didn't feel as if it was going anywhere. Being in a hospital with a traditional OB as well they don't let you really change positions for pushing either. Its the ol' lay flat on your back, legs in stir-ups kind of pushing. It wasn't doing anything for me or for bringing Ezekiel down. I went from feeling pressure to no longer feeling the pressure of his head. The Dr by this time after 30 minutes of pushing was adamant that we need to go ahead and have a c-section. It went from not an emergency when I stopped pushing to being an emergency once I gave the consent. They immediately handed hubby scrubs and he took both Keilani and Kiana who were in the room waiting for the arrival of their brother out to the waiting room with the other kids and family. Sharing the news with them was hard for my husband. I was in tears and very scared. This was a big deal and again the plans were changing.
I will spare you the detail of the emotional time in the operating room and jump right the the moment our son was pulled out. First things the Dr.'s said was, "Wow he is one big boy! No wonder he wasn't coming out momma!" They gave me a very quick peak at him and took him right over to be cleaned up and accessed. His apgars were great, all 9's. He was so quiet though, I had to keep asking was he ok. They kept assuring me he looked wonderful and that he was fine. Finally they brought him over to me...he looked me right in the eyes and instantly I was in love. It was ALL WORTH IT! Every tear, fear, ounce of pain...for him, it was so worth it. He was wide awake and soooo alert. Unlike what everyone told me how he would be after a c-section.
The rest of that night was kind of blurry for me, but all I knew is I had my son. I was in absolute disbelief that it finally was over and obviously in a whole LOT of pain, but he was here. He was more then I could have ever imagined.
With all this said I was learning more then I expected to learn out of this birth. Again, blessed are the flexible came to mind...but also trusting, having blind faith. Not knowing how and where it may all end up. Having a plan and asking for God's guidance always, but never being offended if He changes things along the way. Always knowing that God knows best and is always in control. I have had to lean on my husband more then usual being that my activities are limited after this kind of surgery. Not having my mother here to care for me and ask questions to has been difficult as well but just another growing experience for me. Knowing that God will never fail me, even when I have fleshly feelings of abandonment. I am NOT ALONE!
James 1:2-4 seems to continue to play out in my life and well looks like it is our life's verse.
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
